Take me out . . .

Just read a very good piece in the Washington Post, written by a man who refuses to stand when they play God Bless America at the ballpark. Did I mention he’s a Methodist minister?

And it brings to mind a day a long time ago, when my son, Josh, was around 3 years old. We were at some sort of function where they played the Star Spangled Banner. Josh looked up and said . . .

“DAD!!!! They’re playing the baseball song!!!”

And I knew the kid was gonna be all right.

Three Finger Brown

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This whole journalism thing was always No. 3.

No. 1 was centerfield. But when you can’t hit, can’t throw and can’t run, it’s time to move on to No. 2.

No. 2 was to sling my guitar over my back, head to Wyoming and play the blues for 60 years or so. A reverse Dylan. That was at least remotely possible.

No. 3 was journalism. And that’s where Mordecai (Three Finger) Brown comes into the picture. If not for him, I might be strumming a beat-up old Gibson on a subway platform.

It’s April 1972, my senior year in college. I’m sitting in my room playing the blues, avoiding my books, and the phone rings. It’s my high school pal’s mom, and she’s asking me if I’d be interested in working in the sports department at the New York Post. They’re looking for a kid who can type and spell and type and edit and type and write and type and type and type.

I decided I was qualified, because we were talking about THE NEW YORK POST, home of Milton Gross and Pete Hamill and Larry Merchant and Jimmy Wechsler and Maury Allen and Vic Ziegel and Jimmy Cannon and Leonard Lyons and . . . yeah, you bet I’m qualified.

The sports editor at the New York Post was Ike Gellis, and my friend’s mom was married to his doctor. Gellis was a lifelong chain smoker who had pretty much every ailment associated with tobacco, so he saw my friend’s dad just about every other day. Gellis and the good doctor also shared a love for the ponies, so they spoke on the phone at least nine times a day — before every race at Aqueduct, Belmont or Saratoga.

I was to meet with Gellis the next morning.

But first there was the issue of my hair, which ran well below the shoulder and definitely was not going to make the right impression among the socially conservative sports journalism crowd. Jocks and the people who write about them do not have long hair.

I hightailed it to the Town & Country Plaza and walked into the barber shop for the first time in more than two years. He gleefully chopped off pretty much everything and then charged me an extra two bucks — a long hair surcharge. I think he charged by the inch.

I caught a flight home to New York and showed up at the Post — on South Street in Manhattan — the next morning for my first serious job interview ever. For the first time, we were not talking summer job.

I met with Gellis and the assistant sports editor, Sid Friedlander, and some others in the office, and they gave me the test. Turned out I could spell. Turned out I could type. Turned out I could even edit. They gave me a piece to work on and I rewrote the lede, and I found out later that it was written by William H. Rudy, probably the best thoroughbred racing writer in New York. Turned out I had chutzpah.

I felt everything was going well, and then Friedlander came over with the final portion of the exam.

OK kid, he said . . . You know how to spell. You know how to write. You know how to type. You know how to edit . . .

But what do you know about sports?

It was a good question. I was editor of the Hobart & William Smith Herald, so my writing was pretty much dedicated to the usual college newspaper material — ending war and stuff, forcing Nixon to resign and bringing the U.S. government to its knees.

But, I told Friedlander, I love sports. I read sports. I watch sports. I’ve always been a huge fan. (I. Want. This. Job.)

Well, says Friedlander, winding up for his Jeopardy pitch, I’ll give you an example.

What does the name Three Finger Brown mean to you?

I looked him straight in the eye and said, “Turn-of-the-century pitcher. Chicago. First name was Mordecai.”

Sid’s next question was, “When can you start?”

It breaks your heart

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Baseball, as Bart Giamatti so famously noted, is designed to break your heart. It broke mine from the start.

The year is 1957, and I’m a 6-year-old kid riding shotgun in the car, my dad behind the wheel. We’re cruising in a Ford station wagon, green, with phony wood siding.

My dad gestures to the right. “That’s Ebbets Field,” he says. “Where the Dodgers play. Next year I’ll take you to a ballgame.”

And so the heartbreak begins. Because there will be no next year. The Dodgers will slink off to Los Angeles, as will the Giants to San Francisco, and I will have to wait for much longer than “next year,” which is the prescribed waiting period for any Brooklynite.

I will have to wait three more years, until 1960, when my dad will finally get over HIS heartbreak and take me to a place where Brooklynites don’t belong, but I’m too young to understand — a place called Yankee Stadium, home of Mickey and Roger and Whitey and Yogi. Former home of the Babe and the Iron Man and DiMag. A palace.

The highlight of the game came when a fan, who evidently had one too many Ballantine’s, decided to climb the protective screen behind home plate and haul in a ball that had been hit foul and got stuck up there. Like a kid navigating a jungle gym, he walked by hand to the center of the screen, above the field-level seats, and tried pulling the ball through the mesh. Then he pulled out a cigarette lighter and tried to burn the mesh. And then security started pulling at his feet to bring him down, and he held on to that ball for dear life. And then they yanked off his shoes, and my dad was in hysterics because the guy was wearing bright red socks. And this was 1960, when socks came in black or white. And they finally pulled the guy down — without the ball — and the game resumed and all I remember a half century later is a guy in red socks trying to burn a hole in a mesh fence to take home a foul ball.

I remember one other thing — walking onto the field after the game, en route to the subway behind the outfield stands. The grass under my sneakers. Heaven.

I would be a Yankee fan for life — or until they broke my heart, which wouldn’t take long.