Joey Chestnut wins 7th contest with record 69 dogs (AP, via NBC sports)

NEW YORK – Joey Chestnut has downed 69 franks and devoured his own record in the annual Coney Island hot dog eating contest.

The San Jose, Calif., man known as Jaws scarfed down the dogs and buns to win the Fourth of July men’s contest. He takes home $10,000 and a mustard-yellow champion’s belt.

Sonya Thomas, a 100-pound dynamo known as the “Black Widow” of competitive eating, wolfed down nearly 37 wieners for a narrow victory in the women’s competition.

Sixty-nine hot dogs. In 10 minutes.

And we’re supposed to be impressed? We’re supposed to celebrate?

One of these days, one of these “competitive eaters” is going to burst on stage. Seriously . . . he or she is going to drop dead before our very eyes. And then we’ll all wring our hands and say what an awful thing these competitions are, and how they should be banned, or at least regulated.

This is a horror that WILL happen. Guaranteed. Maybe it’ll be the 70th hot dog, or maybe the 71st.

C’mon, Joey. You can do it. Be the first competitive eater to drop dead on national television. Your fans are counting on you.