This is back in 1995, when my younger son, Ben, was 10 years old, and we sent him down to Florida to visit his grandparents.
His grandpa took him to a spring training game in Fort Myers — either the Twins or Red Sox vs. the visiting Yankees — and Ben did what all 10-year-olds do in those circumstances. He got as close as he could and begged for autographs.
One player in a Yankees uniform complied.
Ben came home with the autographed ball a week later and showed it to me.
I regarded the signature and said:
“Ben, I’ve never heard of him. He’s a minor leaguer. The ball isn’t worth anything.
And Ben sighed, and he decided the ball WAS worth something. It was worth what all baseballs are worth.
And he took it outside and played with it. And played with it. And we played catch and we hit it and it scuffed in the grass and it went in the mud and it scraped the pavement and before you knew it, the stitches were ripping and the signature was gone.
And that’s why Ben no longer has a baseball autographed by Andy Pettitte in his rookie year.
Today, 18 years later, Andy Pettitte announced his retirement.
My friend Zach swears he’s a future Hall of Famer. I don’t agree, but I’ll concede he comes close.
Stupid just can’t seem to stop. The idjits just keep on coming out of the woodwork. Here’s a week’s worth of dumb and dumber.
Let’s start with this guy:
John (Hey, I Thought It Was Funny) Whitbeck
Johnnie Boy is the Republican Party chairman in Virginia’s 10th Congressional District, and he knows a good Jewish joke when he hears one. See, there’s this “leader of the Jewish faith” who meets the new pope and hands him a piece of paper, and the pope decides he needs to know what it is, and he finds out it’s the bill for the Last Supper hahahahahaha.
So now everyone in the Virginia GOP, especially gubernatorial candidate Ken Cuccinelli, whom Whitbeck was introducing to the crowd when he told the joke, is distancing himself from this clown, for obvious reasons.
“I wasn’t there, but I heard about it that night. And obviously I think it was inappropriate and certainly unfortunate – something if I had heard it at the time, I would have spoken to right there. It’s certainly not an appropriate thing to carry into public discussion we’re having.”
But I think Whitbeck is getting a bad rap. He’s being called an anti-Semite for telling an anti-Semitic joke, and I’m not sure that’s fair. I have no idea whether he actually hates Jews. Sure, the joke portrays an ugly, hateful stereotype, but I don’t think Whitbeck even realized that. I don’t think he’s bright enough to realize that.
Consider his explanation why the joke WASN’T anti-Semitic. again from the Free Beacon:
“At yesterday’s rally, I told a joke. I did not tell an anti-Semitic joke. I told a joke I heard from a priest at a church service.”
Oh. I guess that made it OK.
Let’s end this segment with a word from my friend, Elliot, who seems to know the only joke of this sort that is acceptable:
A rabbi, an Indian and a midget walk into a bar…the bartender says, “Hey, what is this, a joke?”
__________
And then there’s this guy . . .
Lora (Family Guy) Reinbold
Our gal Lora is a state rep in Alaska who hasn’t heard of the Alaska Supreme Court, which ruled in 2005 that gay couples are entitled to the same state benefits as straight couples, despite the state’s prohibition of same-sex marriage
Nonetheless, Lora thinks the world will go to hell in a handbasket if employees in gay relationships are allowed to do family things like taking leave to care for an ailing partner. Such an arrangement would give “special privileges to individuals who have in fact made a Life-Style Choice,” Lora wrote, adding that calling gay couples “family” is “not in keeping with my interpretation of statue or the legislative intent.”
I’m happy to report that the dinosaur lost this fight.
__________
And then there are the guys who did this . . .
That, kids, is the decapitated head of a statue of Jesus, one of eight statue heads that were decapitated by one or more cretins at St. Mary’s Church in Malaga, N.J., early Thursday morning.
Here’s another look:
Nuf said.
__________
And then there’s these guys . . .
The Randolph County, N.C., Board of Education
When it comes to education, you can’t beat these guys. They know all about what’s best for the kids in their county. That’s why they took this book . . .
. . . off their summer reading list and banned it from the school libraries.
By a 5-2 margin, the Randolph County Board of Education voted Monday night, at its regular meeting held at Eastern Randolph High School, to remove all copies of the book from school libraries.
The action stems from a Randleman High School parent’s complaint about the book. Committees at both the school and district levels recommended it not be removed.
Voting in favor of the ban were Board Chair Tommy McDonald and members Tracy Boyles, Gary Cook, Matthew Lambeth and Gary Mason. Voting against the action were Board Vice Chair Emily Coltrane and member Todd Cutler who both first introduced a motion to keep the book in the schools. This first motion was defeated by a 2-5 vote.
The book, originally published in 1952, addresses many of the social and intellectual issues facing African-Americans in the first half of the 20th century….
McDonald asked if everyone had read the book, stating, “It was a hard read.”
Mason said, “I didn’t find any literary value.” He also objected to the language in the book. “I’m for not allowing it to be available.”
[Capitol Hill] aides “may be 33 years old now and not making a lot of money. But in a few years they can just go to K Street and make $500,000 a year. Meanwhile I’m stuck here making $172,000 a year.”
Yeah, the poor guy, whose net worth is reported to be $3 million, is STUCK in Congress making $172,000 a year.
Which probably explains why he voted on Thursday to cut about $39 billion in funding for food stamps over the next decade. Because, you know . . . He’s working real hard for his $172,000 a year, unlike those freeloaders who need food stamps.
This time next week, we’ll be on the brink of a government shutdown. Should be lots of stupid between now and then.
Woke up this morning ... 