Now that I’m commissioner …

I know, there’s a lot of things that need fixing. Ebola. ISIS. Global warming. Racism. Sexism. Rush Limbaugh. But saving the world can come later. First we have to fix baseball. Because priorities.

We’re coming off a good World Series, and a great Game Seven. The baseball season ended with the tying run on third and a kid named Madison Bumgarner standing on the mound, proving that you don’t have to have a great baseball name to be a great baseball player.

So let’s hear it for the World Champion Giants, the last team standing. They deserve to wear the crown. And hooray for the Royals, too. The Little Engine That Could came oh-so-close. Continue reading

Bronx cheer, 10/08/14

It’s been a delightful news week, once you get past Ebola and the Islamic State and all the other little things that threaten our existence on this planet, not to mention the assorted threats to the planet itself. But I say we all should try real hard to stick around for a while, because there’s so much fun stuff out there, none the least of which is that Sarah Palin can’t find the White House (though I’m sure she can see it from her home in Wasilla). Continue reading

Bench Jeter! – Bronx cheer, 09/26/14


Derek Jeter says last night’s Hollywood ending – let’s face it, it doesn’t get any better than that – wasn’t the end. He says he won’t play shortstop anymore, but “Out of respect for the Red Sox, their fans and the rivalry, I’m going to DH” sometime this weekend.

Meaning his past – there really is no future anymore, it’s all past now – is in Joe Girardi’s hands.

Derek wants to play, Joe. So it’s up to you to do the right thing: Continue reading

Bronx cheer, 09/24/14

There’s a whole lot of dumb stuff making the rounds today.

For starters, there’s this whole kerfuffle about the Obama salute.

The president, you see, was carrying a cup of coffee yesterday morning when he arrived in New York aboard Marine One. That’s a helicopter, by the way, which means Obama has learned to press his tie against his belt when he walks down the steps so it doesn’t fly around, whip him a few times in the face and make him look silly.  So there goes the left hand. Continue reading

Bronx cheer, 09/20/13

Stupid just can’t seem to stop. The idjits just keep on coming out of the woodwork. Here’s a week’s worth of dumb and dumber.

Let’s start with this guy:


John (Hey, I Thought It Was Funny) Whitbeck

Johnnie Boy is the Republican Party chairman in Virginia’s 10th Congressional District, and he knows a good Jewish joke when he hears one. See, there’s this “leader of the Jewish faith” who meets the new pope and hands him a piece of paper, and the pope decides he needs to know what it is, and he finds out it’s the bill for the Last Supper hahahahahaha.

So now everyone in the Virginia GOP, especially gubernatorial candidate Ken Cuccinelli, whom Whitbeck was introducing to the crowd when he told the joke, is distancing himself from this clown, for obvious reasons.

According to the Washington Free Beacon, Cuccinelli said:

“I wasn’t there, but I heard about it that night. And obviously I think it was inappropriate and certainly unfortunate – something if I had heard it at the time, I would have spoken to right there. It’s certainly not an appropriate thing to carry into public discussion we’re having.”

But I think Whitbeck is getting a bad rap. He’s being called an anti-Semite for telling an anti-Semitic joke, and I’m not sure that’s fair. I have no idea whether he actually hates Jews. Sure, the joke portrays an ugly, hateful stereotype, but I don’t think Whitbeck even realized that. I don’t think he’s bright enough to realize that.

Consider his explanation why the joke WASN’T anti-Semitic. again from the Free Beacon:

“At yesterday’s rally, I told a joke. I did not tell an anti-Semitic joke. I told a joke I heard from a priest at a church service.” 

Oh. I guess that made it OK.

Let’s end this segment with a word from my friend, Elliot, who seems to know the only joke of this sort that is acceptable:

A rabbi, an Indian and a midget walk into a bar…the bartender says, “Hey, what is this, a joke?”


And then there’s this guy . . .


Lora (Family Guy) Reinbold

Our gal Lora is a state rep in Alaska who hasn’t heard of the Alaska Supreme Court, which ruled in 2005 that gay couples are entitled to the same state benefits as straight couples, despite the state’s prohibition of same-sex marriage

Nonetheless, Lora thinks the world will go to hell in a handbasket if employees in gay relationships are allowed to do family things like taking leave to care for an ailing partner. Such an arrangement would give “special privileges to individuals who have in fact made a Life-Style Choice,” Lora wrote, adding that calling gay couples “family” is “not in keeping with my interpretation of statue or the legislative intent.”

I’m happy to report that the dinosaur lost this fight.


And then there are the guys who did this . . .


That, kids, is the decapitated head of a statue of Jesus, one of eight statue heads that were decapitated by one or more cretins at St. Mary’s Church in Malaga, N.J., early Thursday morning.

Here’s another look:


Nuf said.


And then there’s these guys . . .

The Randolph County, N.C., Board of Education

When it comes to education, you can’t beat these guys. They know all about what’s best for the kids in their county. That’s why they took this book . . .


. . . off their summer reading list and banned it from the school libraries.

According to The Courier-Tribune in Asheville, N.C.:

By a 5-2 margin, the Randolph County Board of Education voted Monday night, at its regular meeting held at Eastern Randolph High School, to remove all copies of the book from school libraries.

The action stems from a Randleman High School parent’s complaint about the book. Committees at both the school and district levels recommended it not be removed.

Voting in favor of the ban were Board Chair Tommy McDonald and members Tracy Boyles, Gary Cook, Matthew Lambeth and Gary Mason. Voting against the action were Board Vice Chair Emily Coltrane and member Todd Cutler who both first introduced a motion to keep the book in the schools. This first motion was defeated by a 2-5 vote.

The book, originally published in 1952, addresses many of the social and intellectual issues facing African-Americans in the first half of the 20th century….

McDonald asked if everyone had read the book, stating, “It was a hard read.”

Mason said, “I didn’t find any literary value.” He also objected to the language in the book. “I’m for not allowing it to be available.”

This is where we note, per Wikipedia:

Invisible Man won the U.S. National Book Award for Fiction in 1953.[1] In 1998, the Modern Library ranked Invisible Man nineteenth on its list of the 100 best English-language novels of the 20th centuryTime magazine included the novel in its TIME 100 Best English-language Novels from 1923 to 2005.[2]

Thank god those kids in Randolph County won’t have to read this trash.


And finally, there’s this guy . . .

House Immigration Reform CaucusGeorgia Rep. Phil (Let Them Eat Nothing) Gingrey

Gingrey, who introduced the fine-sounding “No Special Treatment for Congress Act,” said during a hearing this week:

[Capitol Hill] aides “may be 33 years old now and not making a lot of money. But in a few years they can just go to K Street and make $500,000 a year. Meanwhile I’m stuck here making $172,000 a year.”

Yeah, the poor guy, whose net worth is reported to be $3 million, is STUCK in Congress making $172,000 a year.

Which probably explains why he voted on Thursday to cut about $39 billion in funding for food stamps over the next decade. Because, you know . . . He’s working real hard for his $172,000 a year, unlike those freeloaders who need food stamps.

This time next week, we’ll be on the brink of a government shutdown. Should be lots of stupid between now and then.

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Bronx cheer, 08/20/13

This week is off to a helluva start.

Let’s talk about this guy . . .

Somebody, somewhere has to come to this guy’s defense. It might as well be me.

Maine Gov. Paul LePage

According to a story in the Portland Press Herald, this guy remarked at a Maine Republican Party fundraiser on Aug. 12 that Barack Obama could have been the best president ever if he’d only highlighted his biracial heritage, but that Obama couldn’t do that because he “hates white people.”

OK, that’s kind of disgusting. Let’s read on:

The governor made the comment during a Maine Republican Party fundraiser on Aug. 12 at the home of John and Linda Fortier in Belgrade. According to the invitation, the fundraiser was a “meet and greet” for LePage and first lady Ann LePage, and an opportunity to meet Rick Bennett, the new party chairman.

OK . . . people with brains should be furious about this, if LePage said it.

But note that I said “if.” That’s because . . .


That’s what’s really disgusting here. LePage’s accusers, according to the Press Herald, are “two state lawmakers who say they heard the remark directly,” but who don’t have the cojones to reveal their names.

The lawmakers, both Republicans, confirmed the comment when asked by a Portland Press Herald reporter but asked that their names be withheld for fear of political retribution. 

So what we have here is a guy who is essentially being called a racist by two snakes who swear he said it but who don’t have the nerve to tell us who they are.

And it leads to stuff like this:



And this:


And this:


And nowhere is there an accuser willing to go on the record.

Where I come from, we call this character assassination. If you’re going to call someone a racist, then have the decency to come out from behind the curtain and let me see who you are.

So the Bronx cheer here goes to those two unidentified Maine Republican legislators who “confirmed” this story, and to the Press Herald, and to Think Progress, and to Mediate, and to MSNBC, and to anyone else who ran with it without getting someone – anyone – to go on the record.


And then there’s this guy . . .


Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, eh?

Our guy Teddy has decided to renounce his Canadian citizenship, because why exactly? Are you somehow embarrassed that you were born there? Do you really feel that you are somehow less American if you have dual citizenship? Do you think that anyone – anyone – will seriously question your loyalty to Texas or your loyalty to the United States just because of this? . . .

Or are you renouncing your citizenship because you’re deathly afraid of what this clown might say? . . .

Teddy, renouncing your dual citizenship is silly. You’re an American. You don’t have to  do stupid stuff to prove it.


And this guy . . .

Valarie (Geez, I Never Thought of That) Hodges

We’ve saved the best for last.

Our gal Val is a representative in the Louisiana legislature, and she was very supportive of a law backed by Gov. Bobby Jindal that, according to, “proposed, among other things, a voucher program allowing state educational funds to be used to send students to schools run by religious groups.”

But Val has changed her mind, because it has come to her attention that there is more than one religion in the world.

[S]he had no idea that Gov. Bobby Jindal’s overhaul of the state’s educational system might mean taxpayer support of Muslim schools. 

“I actually support funding for teaching the fundamentals of America’s Founding Fathers’ religion, which is Christianity, in public schools or private schools,” the District 64 Representative said Monday.

“I liked the idea of giving parents the option of sending their children to a public school or a Christian school,” Hodges said.

Hodges mistakenly assumed that “religious” meant “Christian.” 

Really, you can’t make this stuff up.

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