Bronx cheer, 09/24/14

There’s a whole lot of dumb stuff making the rounds today.

For starters, there’s this whole kerfuffle about the Obama salute.

The president, you see, was carrying a cup of coffee yesterday morning when he arrived in New York aboard Marine One. That’s a helicopter, by the way, which means Obama has learned to press his tie against his belt when he walks down the steps so it doesn’t fly around, whip him a few times in the face and make him look silly.  So there goes the left hand. Continue reading

Bronx cheer, 10/09/13


Say hello, or guten tag, to Brenda Barton, an Arizona state representative who can’t spell right and can’t think straight.

Our gal Brenda decided recently that the president of the United States reminded her of a certain German dictator from back in the early ’40s. We’ll pause here for a moment while you try to figure out who that might be.

The decidedly left-wing Talking Points Memo notes that our gal Brenda posted this cute message on her Facebook page:

“Someone is paying the National Park Service thugs overtime for their efforts to carry out the order of De Fuhrer… where are our Constitutional Sheriffs who can revoke the Park Service Rangers authority to arrest??? Do we have any Sheriffs with a pair?”


Never mind that it should be Der Fuhrer, not De Fuhrer (It’s Der, d’uhhhh!). Let’s just consider that it is really, really offensive to compare just about anybody to that certain German dictator who was responsible for the systematic extermination of roughly . . .

5.1–6.0 million Jews, including 3.0–3.5 million Polish Jews
1.8 –1.9 million non-Jewish Poles (includes all those killed in executions or those that died in prisons, labor, and concentration camps, as well as civilians killed in the 1939 invasion and the 1944 Warsaw Uprising)
500,000–1.2 million Serbs killed by Croat Nazis
200,000–800,000 Roma & Sinti
200,000–300,000 people with disabilities
80,000–200,000 Freemasons [23]
100,000 communists
10,000–25,000 homosexual men
2,000 Jehovah’s Witnesses

Barton, to her “credit,” decided to stick to her guns (this, after all, is Arizona), reportedly telling the Arizona Capital Times, which is behind a paywall:

“He’s dictating beyond his authority . . . . “It’s not just the death camps. [Hitler] started in the communities, with national health care and gun control. You better read your history. Germany started with national health care and gun control before any of that other stuff happened. And Hitler was elected by a majority of people.”

Well, I guess that makes it official. Obama = Hitler.


Here’s someone else who was compared to Hitler . . .


And here’s another . . .


And another . . .


I could go on. But you know what? It ain’t funny. Not even close.

Frank Bruni addressed this in The New York Times the other day, and he was dead right.

The only person who should be reasonably compared to the worst genocidal maniac in the history of our planet should be an equally genocidal maniac. And we haven’t seen him in the last 70 years, and I hope we never do. Largely because of him, over 60 million people were killed, including nearly half a million American servicemen.

So I’m sick and tired of hearing about how this is like the Nazis and how this guy is like this guy . . .

Adolf Hitler_1

. . . because it debases each and every one of us when we say that. Nobody is like this guy. Nobody.

Not a day has gone by in my life when I haven’t heard the word “Nazi” or “Hitler” or “Third Reich,” which just goes to show what an influence this evil wretch had on history. Time Magazine named Albert Einstein the Person of the Century back in 2000, but they were wrong. It was Hitler. It’s 2013 now, and I can go days, even weeks, without reading or hearing Einstein’s name. I can’t say the same for Hitler. Somehow, I seem to hear or read a reference to him every damn day.

See for yourself. See if a day goes by when you don’t see a reference to Nazis/Hitler/Third Reich. (I’ve just covered today.) They’re always there. And there’s a reason for that . . . Because an unimaginable global horror took place just 70 years ago, and we can’t help but gape in awe at the evil.

There’s a reason we say “Never Forget.” And that’s because we never should. But it’s also why we need to stop comparing people we don’t happen to like to the person we hate more than anyone else. It’s unseemly. It’s beneath us. Let’s stop.

— 30 —

Bronx cheer, 08/16/13

Gail Collins, America’s No. 1 columnist (no dearth of opinions here, folks), pointed out this week that there’s something about August.

She’ll get no argument here. How else can you explain all the Bronx cheer this week?

Let’s start with these guys:


The Crack Cartographers at MSNBC

And I’ll have whatever crack they’re smoking, because I’ve always wanted to drive from Syracuse to Buffalo in 20 minutes, and it’s really, really hard to come up with a map like the one above when you have five letters in your name and two of them – MS – stand for Microsoft.

Memo to MSNBC’s mapmakers: Next time, Bing it.


And then there’s this guy:


The Crack Graphicsmaker at NBC-NY

OK, I’ve gotten used to Temperature Humidity Index, Feels Like, Heat Factor, Wind Chill …

But Sweat Factor?!?! Who’s the brainiac who came up with this one?


And then there’s the guy who came up with this:


Memo to H&M:

New York is a city that never sleeps. It’s a concrete jungle where dreams are made. But one thing it isn’t is a cheap billboard location.

The picture above is an artist’s rendition of what will be a blight on my city’s skyline. As my mom would say:



And then there’s this guy:


Jack (Scruples Be Damned) Clark

Jack was a terrific ballplayer once, but now he’s just a bitter old man who comes up way short on the human decency scale. Jack, who does a radio show in St. Louis, decided to announce to the world that he knows “for a fact” that Albert Pujols used to do steroids, and that Justin Verlander probably did, too.

And Jack has irrefutable proof: Somebody told him.

It’s sad but true that athletes are guilty until proven innocent these days when it comes to PEDs, and that there’s really no way to prove innocence. Jack knows this, and he should know better than to throw about accusations based on hearsay.

Pujols, a future Hall of Famer, is suing Jack. I hope he’s clean, and I hope he takes The Ripper to the cleaners.


And then there’s this guy . . .


The Clown at the Missouri State Fair Rodeo

There are folks out there who think this is cute. Folks who think it’s funny. Folks who don’t understand that this caricature is racist . . . and that if this is how you perceive your president, then you’re a bigot, plain and simple. How can there still be a place for this sort of thing in what Dick Young used to call “My America”?

Watch, and try not to throw up:

What’s more . . . According to the video embedded in this writeup by NPR, the radio announcer is a superintendent of schools.

Weep for the children.


And then there’s this guy:


Child Support Magistrate LuAnn (I’ll Show You Your First Amendment) Ballew

Our gal LuAnn, who serves the 4th Judicial District in Tennessee, presided over a court hearing regarding the last name of a 7-month-old boy. Seems the kid’s mom and dad couldn’t agree on a name for this kid . . .


. . . and the case, not the baby, wound up in LuAnn’s lap.

So LuAnn did what any right-thinking judge would do. She considered all the facts, weighed both sides and decided what the baby’s last name should be.

And then she went off the rails. She also changed the baby’s first name, which neither mommy nor daddy had a problem with.

The parents had named their baby “Messiah,” and LuAnn would have none of that. “Messiah,” she ruled, “is a title and it’s a title that has only been earned by one person and that one person is Jesus Christ.”

She ordered that the baby’s name be changed to Martin DeShawn McCullough.

According to WBIR:

[The boy’s mother] responded saying, “I was shocked. I never intended on naming my son Messiah because it means God and I didn’t think a judge could make me change my baby’s name because of her religious beliefs.”

According to Judge Ballew, it is the first time she has ordered a first name change. She said the decision is best for the child, especially while growing up in a county with a large Christian population.

“It could put him at odds with a lot of people and at this point he has had no choice in what his name is,” Judge Ballew said.

Now THAT, folks, is an activist judge.


And then there’s this guy . . .


Bryan (Making Crap Up for God) Fischer

Bad News Bryan is “director of issues analysis” for the hate group also known as the American Family Association, and one of the issues this clown analyzed this week is this well-known photo:


Bryan has analyzed this picture every which way, and he announced on his radio show this week that he has come to the irrefutable conclusion that . . .

“If you go look at that picture, I believe the odds are good that [Barack Obama] was Photoshopped.

“Look at the size of his head compared to the size of the head of everyone else standing in the room. Even people standing in the back of the room; their heads are bigger than his head.”

Watch for yourself . . . Start paying attention at the 3-minute mark:

Fischer observes that Obama’s head is “teeny-tiny” in the picture, something a pinhead could easily conclude.

So here’s a big Bronx cheer for you, Bryan, for your latest contribution to the American conversation. Because what this country really needs most right now is another ridiculous conspiracy theory.


And while we’re on the subject of way-beyond-ultra-right-wing wackos, let’s give it up for this guy, the biggest Bronx cheer of the week . . .


Peter (There’s a Gay Hiding Under Every Rock) LaBarbera

Our Boy Petey, according to his bio, “is president of Americans For Truth About Homosexuality (AFTAH;, a Chicago-based organization dedicated to exposing and opposing the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) activist movement,” and it’s pretty funny that the screengrab above shows him on Fox News, because it’s highly unlikely he’ll be making any return appearances soon.

Petey, you see, has decided that Fox News has become far too left-wing for his taste. In fact, according to Petey, Fox News is taking the lead in promoting the dastardly homosexual agenda, and he’s written a 92-page (!!!!) hate screed that bears the title:

Unfair, Unbalanced and Afraid:
Fox News’ Growing Pro-Homosexual Bias
and the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association

That’s right, folks . . . Petey says Fox News is leading the media pack that is guiding America down the path to rampant homosexuality, and he picks apart every Fox News personality, exposing each and every one to be a lily-livered, rainbow-covered, Prius-driving gay sympathizer. Take that, O’Reilly!

And the worst of the bunch? None other than the devil herself . . .


Megyn Kelly, who LaBarbera says “has emerged as a committed pro-‘gay’ advocate. She is a valuable media ally for homosexual and transgender activists, who routinely tout her on-air pro-LGBT advocacy.”

Yeah. Megyn Kelly.

That’s all for today, folks. My head is exploding.

— 30 —

It’s 2013, time to bury ‘Redskins’


Two pantheons of sports journalism, Slate and Mother Jones, took the bold move this week of announcing that they would no longer refer to the National Football League team that plays in Washington, D.C., as the “Redskins.”

The move was both silly and self-serving, because . . . well . . .

Slate? Mother Jones?

Yeah, they’re the first places I go when I want to bone up on my football.

But there’s one other thing worth mentioning here . . .

They were right.

So it’s time to press for a few other outlets – more important outlets – to take the same bold step. Are you listening, ESPN? Can you hear me, Sports Illustrated? Do I have your attention yet, NBC and Fox and CBS and ABC? How about it, Washington Post?

Listen up, guys . . . History be damned, it’s time to abandon what is, in fact, a horribly racist name.

On March 13, 1994, The New York Times published an op-ed piece by Tim Giago, the founder of the Lakota Times, the first independently owned Native American newspaper in the U.S.

It was a wonderful, eye-opening op-ed . . . so much so that I stashed a photocopy in my briefcase. Nineteen years later, it’s still there.

Sadly, I can’t find it on the Times website, which is a shame because the link really should go to the original.

But Illinois Sen. Paul Simon found it as moving as I did, and he entered it into the Congressional Record, which appears to be pretty much the only place you can read it now. So read it:

Drop the Chop! Indian Nicknames Just Aren’t Right

“Redskins” is a word that should remind every American there was a time in our history when America paid bounties for human beings. There was a going rate for the scalps or hides of Indian men, women and children. These “redskins” trophies could be sold to most frontier trading posts. Along with coon skins, beaver skins and bear skins, the selling of “redskins” was also profitable.

On a recent radio talk show, I spoke with a young lady who had been a cheerleader for a team called the “Indians.” She said, “When I put on my feathers and war paint, donned my buckskins and beads, I felt I was honoring Indians.” I asked her, “If your team was called the African-Americans and you painted your face black, put on an Afro wig and donned a dashiki and then danced around singing songs and making noises you thought to be African, would you be honoring blacks?” Her answer was “No! Of course not! That would be insulting to them.” End of discussion.

That’s just a snippet. Read the whole piece. It speaks volumes, and it’s why I’ve been carrying that faded photocopy around for 19 years.

The key question Giago raised, which was brought up again this week, is:

If you were naming a team today, would you name it the Redskins?

If your answer is no, how can you tolerate keeping the name?

If your answer is yes, how would you feel about the Berlin Maccabees? The Birmingham Negroes?

This isn’t political correctness. It’s just correctness. It shouldn’t be so hard to do the right thing.

Change the damn name. Just do it. It’ll be OK.

Bronx cheer, 08/09/13

What exactly was it – August heat? Heavy rain? – that pulled so many bottom-feeders up to the surface this week?

And how do we get them to crawl back into the hole they came out of?

Herewith, a big Bronx cheer to the many bigots who made the world a much less pleasant place this week. (You know this is serious, because I used the word “herewith.”)

It hasn’t been a beautiful day in my neighborhood, so let’s start with these guys:


Say hello to Shashi Ramsaroop, 23; Lindsey Peaks, 20; and Demetrius Latrell Toraine, 19, who have been charged in a paintball attack on a Hasidic Jew in Kaser, N.Y.

According to the Journal News,

A paintball attack against a Hasidic resident by a man who said he was going to “Monsey to shoot Jews,” police said, took place in a town already rife with tension between religious and secular communities.

No, I didn’t write that lede. But let’s move on…

The victim, Josef Margaretten, 35, suffered minor injuries and three suspects were taken into custody and charged with a hate crime almost immediately after the attack….

Margaretten and another man were leaning against a car … Wednesday when a vehicle drove up and a man pointed what looked like a black rifle at them from the passenger window, Ramapo Sgt. Sal Matos said.

Five or six shots were fired from the car, with Margaretten hit twice and the car struck three or four times, Matos said….

Matos said Margaretten and [another] man said they heard someone yell a racial slur as the car drove past.

There’s some bad stuff going down in the town of Ramapo, which is in the county of Rockland, N.Y., which is where I live. Most notably, the East Ramapo Central School District has been severely cutting programs for the overwhelmingly black and Latino public school population. And seven of nine school board members are Orthodox Jews who send their kids to yeshivas.

It’s an ugly situation. But it won’t be solved if people decide to assault others on the basis of their race or religion.

Ramsaroop, Peaks and Toraine are awaiting trial, so we won’t presume guilt. But if it turns out that they are, in fact, the ones who did this, then let’s hope the state throws the book at them.

And yes . . . If three Hasidic Jews in their 20s shot paintballs at a man of color and shouted racial epithets at him, the opinion here would be the same: Throw the bigots in a hole. That’s where they belong.


And then there are the guys who did this . . .


and this . . .


to this . . .


What kind of cretin scrawls “nigger,” “Hitler” and a swastika on a statue that depicts Pee Wee Reese putting his arm around Jackie Robinson? In Brooklyn, no less.

Ira Berkow wrote a wonderful piece about this statue in the New York Times eight years ago, and it’s well worth reading.

We’ve learned a lot about Jackie Robinson this year, thanks to an inspiring but otherwise bland movie called “42,” the message of which is much better than the film itself. And it speaks to why this sort of thing is as hideous as hideous gets.

Kudos to the New York Daily News for this wood:


That pretty much sums it up. Ten thousand bucks to turn the racist scum in. Worth every penny.


And then there are these guys:

Hundreds protest Obama outside Phoenix high school

Hundreds of protesters wielded signs, chanted slogans and argued with each other Tuesday outside Desert Vista High School in Phoenix, while President Barack Obama spoke about housing and the economy inside.

Students, activists, curiosity-seekers and motorcade-junkies, some from as far away as California and Black Canyon City, thronged the sidewalks as rain drizzled from gray skies.

We’re OK so far, guys. You don’t like Obama. I get that. You want to protest. I get that, too. This is America; you’re entitled.

But here’s what I don’t get . . .

Obama foes at one point sang, “Bye Bye Black Sheep,” a derogatory reference to the president’s skin color, while protesters like Deanne Bartram raised a sign saying, “Impeach the Half-White Muslim!”

And then there’s 77-year-old Chandler, Ariz., resident Ron Enderle, who explained his opposition to the president with this clever remark:

He’s 47 percent Negro.

Hmmmm. So now we know what at least some of you guys really are. You’re not protesters. You’re bigots.


And then there’s this guy:

Trudie (I’m Not Saying They All Look Alike, but …) Goetz

Our gal Trudie is the owner of a “high-end” (that’s putting it mildly) boutique called Trois Pomme in Zurich, Switzerland, and her shop is getting some attention right now because one of her shopkeepers, who fortunately has gone unnamed, decided not to “hurt the feelings” of a woman in her store.

According to CBS News, a black woman asked Trudie’s employee if she could look at a handbag worth a cool $40,000, and the shopkeeper told her, “No. It’s too expensive.”

The black woman “asked to see the bag at least two more times, but the shopkeeper refused to take it off the shelf and suggested other, cheaper bags instead.”

The black woman persisted:

“One more time, I tried. I said, ‘But I really do just want to see that one,’ and the shopkeeper said, ‘Oh, I don’t want to hurt your feelings,’ and I said, ‘Okay, thank you so much. You’re probably right, I can’t afford it.’ 

Meet the black woman:


Ummm . . . Oops. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and bet the house that this woman not only can afford the $40,000 handbag, but that she can also buy the entire boutique. With cash.

But hey, mistakes happen. What compounds the matter is that Goetz blamed it on “the assistant’s failure to recognize Winfrey.”

“We don’t have any facial recognition here,” Goetz was quoted as saying.

So, in other words . . .

We’d certainly let Oprah Winfrey look at the bag, if only we had face recognition and knew who that black woman was. But the average black woman? Well . . . We don’t want to hurt your feelings.


And then there’s this guy:


Stephanie (I’m Forrest Gump, Without the Wisdom) Banister

Our gal Stephanie, the 27-year-old One Nation party candidate for parliament in Australia,  thinks Islam is a country and Jews are secret Christians.

At least, that’s what she said in a recent interview:

I don’t oppose Islam as a country, but I do feel that their laws should not be welcome here in Australia.

She also said:

”Jews aren’t under haram, they have their own religion which follows Jesus Christ.” 

OK . . . Maybe I’m going too far here. I really need to consider the possibility that Banister isn’t a bigot. But I’m left with only one other explanation:

She’s a moron.

I predict a bright political future.


And the winner is . . . The biggest Bronx cheer of all goes to . . .


Mike (I Play Bass Guitar, So I Must Be a Good Guy) Huckabee

Musician, preacher, governor, presidential wannabe.

And bigot.

Listen to what affable old Huck said on his radio show on Monday:

I know we’re not supposed to say anything unkind about Islam. I mean, it’s politically incorrect. I get that. But can someone explain to me why it is that we tiptoe around a religion that promotes the most murderous mayhem on the planet in their so-called ‘holiest days?

You know, if you’ve kept up with the Middle East, you know that the most likely time to have an uprising of rock throwing and rioting comes on the day of prayer on Friday. So the Muslims will go to the mosque, and they will have their day of prayer, and they come out of there like uncorked animals – throwing rocks and burning cars.”

That’s right. Uncorked animals.

That’s what the preacher man said.

And the reason this guy is the worst of the bunch is that he wants to be president of the United States, and there are millions of Americans who would vote for him.

Bronx cheer, indeed.

— 30 —

Bronx cheer, 08/02/13

Got a whole new bunch of folks who won’t be getting invitations to my holiday party this year (including anyone who insists that it shouldn’t be called a “holiday party”). Without further delay, let’s all give a big Bronx cheer to . . .

This guy . . .

Clarence (God Wants My Kids to Be Ignoramuses) Powell

Clarence and his wife Andrea have a dozen kids. And by all accounts, they seem to be very, very bright kids.

So how come one of his kids, who is old enough to be in middle school, can’t read?

Simple. It’s because Clarence doesn’t send his kids to school. He told the Washington Post:

[i]t’s important that parents have a role in instilling in their children a world view that does not exclude God. 

It’s a sacred honor to be able to home-educate your children and instill in them values in a way that’s consistent with your faith.

OK, Clarence, fine. Home-school your kids. Feel free to brainwash them with your religion. That’s a parent’s right.

But if home-schooling your kids means they won’t learn how to read or write, how to multiply and divide . . . . If home-schooling your kids means they won’t learn about protons and electrons and neutrons and planets and dinosaurs and Beethoven and B.B. King and Shakespeare and Mark Twain and Wilma Rudolph and Willie Mays . . . .

Then you’re denying your kids their right to an education.

That’s just a fact, folks.

And what’s worse . . . The state of Virginia is enabling this guy.

[Powell uses] a religious exemption that allows families to entirely opt out of public education, a Virginia law that is unlike any other in the country. That means that not only are their children excused from attending school — as those educated under the state’s home-school statute are — but they also are exempt from all government oversight.

School officials don’t ever ask them for transcripts, test scores or proof of education of any kind: Parents have total control.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that Jesus didn’t have this in mind.

Clarence Powell may be a devout religious nut, but he’s one lousy dad.

Oh . . . I almost forgot to mention . . . Clarence’s son, Josh, is the focus of The Post’s story. And he’s a real hero. Talk about overcoming the odds.


And speaking of overcoming the odds and lousy parenting, there’s this guy . . .

Edwin and Tina Edwards

Edwin (Oh Baby!) Edwards

Our man Eddie is the former governor of Louisiana — four terms, if you’re counting — and a former inmate in the federal prison system, thanks to his involvement in a bribery and extortion scheme.

Eddie also became the father of a brand-new baby boy recently, which is why I feel comfortable calling him one very lousy dad.

Because being a dad means being there for your kids. Here are just some of the things that dads do . . .

They change their kids’ diapers. They stay up all night with them when they’re sick. They teach them how to ride a bicycle. They walk them to school. They help them with their homework. They teach them how to throw a ball, how to catch a ball, how to hit a ball. They hug them when they’re sad. They hug them when they’re happy. They teach them how to drive, and then they stay awake waiting for them to come home. They take them to college and drive away to a home that suddenly feels a lot emptier. And then, someday, maybe they get to walk them down the aisle.

Chances of Eddie doing any of these? Practically zero.

Eddie, you see, is 85 years old. And while some folks think it’s cute that an 85-year-old man is capable of becoming a new dad, I think it’s just selfish.

Two words for you, Eddie . . . Birth Control. You need it as much as any 15-year-old. Maybe even more, because being a dad is not a short-term proposition.

And let’s be clear . . . Eddie isn’t alone in this bad-parenting business. His wife, Trina Scott Edwards, is 34. Just what the hell is she thinking? Oh . . . I think I know. . . Reality Show!!! Yup, there’s one in the works. And a 34-year-old woman with an 85-year-old husband and a newborn baby boy will make for a great story line.

Bronx cheer to two very, very selfish people.


And then there’s this guy . . .

Saul (Brother Can You Spare a Dime?) Zelaznog

You can call him Zelaznog. Or you can call him Gonzalez. You most certainly can call him Saul the Deadbeat.

Memo to Saul:

When you ring up a $100 tab at a brewpub, “I left my wallet at home” is not an appropriate response when you get the check.

Kudos to the owners of Brewer’s Cabinet, who posted Saul’s photo on Facebook.


And then there’s this guy . . .

Brooke Goldstein

Brooke (I’ll Show You the Meaning of Bigot) Goldstein

Leave it to Our Miss Brooke, who purports to be a “human rights attorney,” to figure out what makes Anthony Weiner tick. According to Mediaite . . .

During Thursday morning’s edition of Red Eye, the attorney was asked whether too much attention has been paid to Weiner’s sexting, and not enough to his politics. In response, Goldstein had a suggestion for the “real” question, as she sees it: “Why is Anthony Weiner so un-attracted to Huma Abedin?”

She then answered her own question:

“Perhaps it’s because she is connected with Islamists who want to kill us. Perhaps it’s because her family members are part and parcel of the Muslim Brotherhood. I completely agree with Andy McCarthy that she poses one of the greatest national security threats in this administration. She has access to the most classified information, because of her position with Clinton, about the Muslim Brotherhood, which creed is to destroy America.”

See for yourself:

Way to bring some class to “Red Eye,” Brooke. Now please disappear, because you are about as low as lowlife gets.


And then there’s this guy . . .


Alex (I Just Want to Play Baseball) Rodriguez

I don’t care if it’s suspension for a year or two years or life. A-Roid, one of the greatest players ever, was supposed to be the cure for Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa and Roger Clemens and all those others whose achievements were tainted by performance-enhancing drugs.

So much for the cure. What a bum.


And then there’s this guy . . .

Keith Ablow

Keith (Please Call Me Doctor) Ablow

Only Keith Ablow — oh, excuse me . . . DOCTOR Keith Ablow — could find a way to turn the Anthony Weiner scandal into a condemnation of the Women’s Movement.

Yes, women who seek gender equality, this is all your fault.

Read it and weep. He really does make this about women. They are sluts. It’s their fault. Obviously. Shame on you, all you women.


And then there’s this guy . . .

Barbara Morgan

Barbara (Just Telling It Like It Is) Morgan

Here are some words spokeswomen shouldn’t use when talking to the press about their former interns:

Bitch. Slutbag. Twat. Cunt.

But our gal Barbara, spokeswoman for Anthony Weiner (who seems to be all over this post, doesn’t he?), used all of them in describing a young woman named Olivia Nuzzi, who had the gall to write in the New York Daily News about her experiences working as an intern for the mayoral candidate.

Remarkably, Barbara, the spokeswoman, is still working for Weiner. Probably because there’s no such thing as going too far where Weiner’s concerned.


And the winner of the biggest Bronx cheer of all is . . . this guy . . .

Ariel Castro

Ariel (I’m Just Misunderstood) Castro

At his sentencing for 937 counts, including murder and kidnapping, this guy said . . .

“These people are trying to paint me as a monster. I’m not a monster. I’m sick.”

Well . . . this isn’t an either-or.

It’s both. Yes, Ariel, you’re sick. AND you’re a monster.

This guy was sentenced to life in prison, plus 1,000 years. Not nearly enough. They can’t dig a hole deep enough to bury this guy in.

— 30 —

Bronx cheer


That’s my kite. It’s the only one I’ve ever owned and, roughly 30 years after Linda bought it for me, it is still, like Anthony Weiner, flapping in the breeze. I decided to go fly the thing a couple of weeks ago, and I’m sad to say that the world continued to go to hell in my absence. Some folks have been very, very bad of late. So without further delay, let’s all give a big Bronx cheer to . . .

This guy . . .


George Zimmerman, Sniveling Coward

OK . . . he’s not guilty of murder; I don’t think he left the car with the intention to kill Trayvon Martin, so he’s not literally guilty of murder.

He’s definitely guilty of manslaughter, but the jury felt otherwise. And, like it or not, we have to accept the jury’s verdict. I’m much more comfortable living with that than I am living with the alternative — a country in which vigilantes take things into their own hands when they don’t like the decision.

But here’s what I don’t accept . . . I don’t accept that everyone wanted to talk about stand your ground and self defense, but nobody wanted to talk about what was so obvious: the fact that this was another case of a nut with a gun.

Because if Zimmerman, the sniveling coward, doesn’t have a gun, then there’s no way in hell he gets out of his car — against the advice of law enforcement — and trails Trayvon Martin.

If Zimmerman, the sniveling coward, isn’t packing heat, then there’s no confrontation, no banging of face into pavement, no debating “who was screaming for help,” no blood, no nothing. Bupkis.

If Zimmerman, the sniveling coward, doesn’t have a gun, he sits in his car and waits for the cavalry to arrive. And when it does, the guys wearing badges ask Trayvon a couple of questions, compliment him on his hoodie and candy selection and send him and his Skittles home to watch the second half.

That’s what would have happened . . . should have happened, but didn’t happen because  Zimmerman, the sniveling coward, had a gun in his pocket.

The gun made Zimmerman brave.

Now, this guy is such a loser that even the people he pulled out from under an overturned SUV don’t want to appear in public with him.

But at least he’s a living loser. Zimmerman, the sniveling coward, is out there somewhere, wasting our precious oxygen. Trayvon Martin, on the other hand, is dead.

Looking for an argument for gun control? I give you George Zimmerman.


 And then there’s this guy . . .


Geraldo (Weiner Got Nothin’ on Me) Rivera

Memo to Geraldo . . .

Unless you’re this guy . . .


. . . you must keep your shirt on when you’re 70. And if 70 is the new 50, then you should have kept it on when you were 50, too.


And then there’s this guy . . .


Vladimir (I Swear I’m Straight) Putin

He’s so anti-gay, I think he may be Michele Bachmann’s next husband, once the current one outs himself.

Harvey Fierstein’s op-ed in the New York Times was an eye-opener, and essential reading.

RUSSIA’S president, Vladimir V. Putin, has declared war on homosexuals. So far, the world has mostly been silent.

On July 3, Mr. Putin signed a law banning the adoption of Russian-born children not only to gay couples but also to any couple or single parent living in any country where marriage equality exists in any form.

A few days earlier, just six months before Russia hosts the 2014 Winter Games, Mr. Putin signed a lawallowing police officers to arrest tourists and foreign nationals they suspect of being homosexual, lesbian or “pro-gay” and detain them for up to 14 days. Contrary to what the International Olympic Committee says, the law could mean that any Olympic athlete, trainer, reporter, family member or fan who is gay — or suspected of being gay, or just accused of being gay — can go to jail.

Oh, he’s a manly man, that Vladimir. He’s someone America’s social conservatives can get behind.

Very close behind.


And then there’s this guy . . .


Lyin’ Braun

He said he was clean, a victim of a poorly handled urine test. He said he went to that Florida clinic for some legal advice. He said . . . Who me? Not me!

Y’know what? I can deal with the doping. He’s not the first. And, sadly, he won’t be the last. You sit out a suspension, give up hopes of ever visiting Cooperstown, and get back to work.

What I can’t deal with is that this guy lied to everyone, and that he put a decent man’s job in jeopardy by publicly blasting him for mishandling his urine specimen when he knew all along it was dirty.

I’m glad he was suspended for only the rest of the season, and not for life, though, because I look forward to seeing him come to the plate next year, and hearing the boos cascade down on him from every seat in every ballpark he plays in. And I’m hoping some flamethrower — Aroldis Chapman, anyone? — nails him with a 100-mph fastball, and that Lyin’ Ryan’s teammates don’t bat an eyelash. No charging the mound for this guy. He isn’t worth protecting.

Lyin’ Ryan was supposed to be everything that’s right about baseball. An MVP-winning, Hall of Fame-caliber nice guy. A Jeteresque figure worthy of our admiration. This, you’d tell your kid, is a ballplayer to look up to. A mensch.

Be sure to read Tyler Kepner’s piece in the New York Times:

ARLINGTON, Tex. — There are liars and frauds and scoundrels, and then there are people like Ryan Braun, who somehow seem worse.

And this piece by Josh Levin in Slate:

Why is Braun such a villain? Because after getting a reprieve last year that it’s now pretty obvious he didn’t deserve, he had the gall to smear the lowest man on the baseball org chart to make himself look a teeny-tiny bit better. In February 2012, after he successfully appealed a 50-game drug suspension, the 2011 MVP smarmed his way through a victory press conference, whining that he’d been wrongfully accused and that the whole process had been so very hard on him. He also attacked the integrity of Dino Laurenzi Jr., the man who’d collected his urine sample. “There were a lot of things that we learned about the collector, about the collection process, about the way that the entire thing worked that made us very concerned and very suspicious about what could have actually happened,” he said, citing nothing at all to support his claims. “We spoke to biochemists and scientists, and asked them how difficult it would be for someone to taint the sample. They said, if they were motivated, it would be extremely easy.” At the same time, Braun praised his own moral rectitude, saying, “I will continue to take the high road. We won because the truth was on my side.”

Way to damage the game you professed to love, Ryan. “Loser” doesn’t even begin to describe you.


And then there’s this guy:


Anthony (You Want More? I’ll Show You More!) Weiner

What can you say? I see so many commenters comparing him to Clinton, Sanford, Spitzer, Vitter . . .

But Weiner is the worst of the bunch, because those other guys are, well . . . they’re guys. If you had a thing for prostitutes and you had $5,000 burning a hole in your pocket, chances are you’d be spending a few hours with a $5000 prostitute. If you suddenly fell in love with an Argentine beauty, you’d probably be out hiking the Appalachian Trail. If a 24-year-old intern . . . Oh, never mind.

But Weiner’s got them all beat. Those guys are guys. Weiner’s a perv, plain and simple.

He’s not even Anthony Weiner. He’s CARLOS DANGER!!!!!

That’s the name you’d give a superhero wearing tights. Uhhh . . . Skip the tights. Please, skip the tights.

Those other guys engaged in consensual sex with real, live adults. But not Weiner. Weiner sits at his computer and gets really, really icky. What’s more . . . How could he have been absolutely sure that the person he was tweeting his junk to wasn’t a 12-year-old girl? Or a 12-year-old boy?

This guy was sexting with people HE NEVER MET!

And, seriously, folks . . . Who on earth photographs his junk and posts it on Twitter? I haven’t seen the word “penis” in so many respectable publications in my whole life as much as I’ve seen it in the last few days.

A Facebook friend tells me that all the kids are sexting these days. So, OK, I guess I can deal with that.

But . . . Hello! Weiner’s not a kid!

Look, I love a tabloid war as much as the next guy, but we really don’t need to be watching this stuff every day for the next three months . . . or four years:

Image Image

I feel bad for Weiner. He’s got a wife and a kid and some bigtime problems. But please, please, PLEASE stop running for mayor of New York. That’s a big job, Anthony, and you’re not up to it.

It’s a different kind of hard. Pull out now.


And then there’s this guy . . .


Gilberton, Pa., Police Chief Mark (My Words) Kessler,

This guy thinks it’s oh-so-cute to call the secretary of state of the United States a “piece of shit traitor.” He despises “libtards” and, according to Talking Points Memo, he “shot a photo of a clown that he described as ‘Nancy Pelosi with her gavel, when she was speaker of the House.’”

He also appears to have a thing about massacring trees.

Did I mention that he’s a police chief?

Here’s how Kessler defends his YouTube videos:

“I think the video is in support of the Constitution — the support of the First Amendment, the right to express your thoughts and words freely without reprisal from any government,” Kessler told the Republican-Herald. “That’s why I used the vocabulary I did. As for the firing of the guns, that is my Second Amendment right. I have the right to keep and bear arms regardless of what the government says that I don’t.”

Fair enough. But did I mention that Kessler is a police chief? His job is to calm the flames, not fan them. And he fails bigtime in these two videos:

Keep in mind, as you watch, in case I wasn’t clear . . . that’s a police chief speaking.

Best to steer clear of Gilberton, Pa., as you’re traveling this great nation.


And the winner is . . .

Whoever designed the uniforms that the New York Mets wore last night. Here’s David Wright, the New York Mets’ All-Star captain, scratching his head, trying to figure out who is responsible for the making him look like he’s playing semi-pro ball . . .


Congratulations, Mr. or Ms. Uniform Designer. Come on down and claim your Anthony Weiner Bobblehead Doll.

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