Category Archives: In the News

The worst New Year

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Journalists have to work on holidays, because cops and firefighters and doctors and nurses and EMTs and soldiers work on holidays, and someone has to report on what the heroes are up to while the rest of us are drinking ourselves silly.

And that’s why I always worked on Christmas. It’s not my holiday, so to do otherwise would be selfish.

But because I always worked Christmas, I always had off on New Year’s Eve. Quid pro quo, and all that.

Except for New Year’s Eve 2000, a night of work that still infuriates me, 14 years later. Continue reading →

If Jesus was Jewish . . .

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Now that we’re deep into the ridiculous, annual War on Christmas – you know, the one where we’re supposed to believe that America is waging a duel to the death with roughly three out of four members of its own population – a new wrinkle has been added:

What color is Santa Claus? Is he white? Is he black? Paisley?

And, for that matter, what about Jesus?

This kerfuffle got kerfuffling when a “culture blogger” named Aisha Harris, who is black, wrote a compelling piece in Slate about how, as a child, she “knew two different Santa Clauses.”

The first had a fat belly, rosy cheeks, a long white beard, and skin as pink as bubble gum. He was omnipresent, visiting my pre-school and the local mall, visible in all of my favorite Christmas specials.

Then there was the Santa in my family’s household, in the form of ornaments, cards, and holiday figurines. A near-carbon copy of the first one—big belly, rosy cheeks, long white beard: check, check, check. But his skin was as dark as mine.

Harris goes on to write:

Two decades later, America is less and less white, but a melanin-deficient Santa remains the default in commercials, mall casting calls, and movies. Isn’t it time that our image of Santa better serve all the children he delights each Christmas?

Yes, it is. And so I propose that America abandon Santa-as-fat-old-white-man and create a new symbol of Christmas cheer. From here on out, Santa Claus should be a penguin.

That’s right: a penguin.

Cue the outrage. Continue reading →

Working on Thanksgiving? Please stop whining

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All this moaning and groaning and whining and kvetching about stores being open on Thanksgiving and what a terrible thing this is for America and how it’s proof that the terrorists have won is giving me a headache.

I’ve worked in newsrooms all my life. It’s a 24/7 business, and there’s no such thing as a “guaranteed” day off. When the pope died on a Saturday, I got into my car and hightailed it to Manhattan. Same when the space shuttle Columbia blew up. Same when Elian Gonzales was seized. When the war in Iraq started at 8:30 p.m., I turned around and went back to work. When Saddam Hussein was executed at 4 in the morning, I woke up and got to work. I sat in the stands at Yankee Stadium one October night and watched Reggie Jackson hit three home runs . . . and then, when the rest of New York was hoisting beers, I went to work. Continue reading →

Bronx cheer, 10/09/13

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Say hello, or guten tag, to Brenda Barton, an Arizona state representative who can’t spell right and can’t think straight.

Our gal Brenda decided recently that the president of the United States reminded her of a certain German dictator from back in the early ’40s. We’ll pause here for a moment while you try to figure out who that might be.

The decidedly left-wing Talking Points Memo notes that our gal Brenda posted this cute message on her Facebook page:

“Someone is paying the National Park Service thugs overtime for their efforts to carry out the order of De Fuhrer… where are our Constitutional Sheriffs who can revoke the Park Service Rangers authority to arrest??? Do we have any Sheriffs with a pair?”

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Never mind that it should be Der Fuhrer, not De Fuhrer (It’s Der, d’uhhhh!). Let’s just consider that it is really, really offensive to compare just about anybody to that certain German dictator who was responsible for the systematic extermination of roughly . . .

5.1–6.0 million Jews, including 3.0–3.5 million Polish Jews
1.8 –1.9 million non-Jewish Poles (includes all those killed in executions or those that died in prisons, labor, and concentration camps, as well as civilians killed in the 1939 invasion and the 1944 Warsaw Uprising)
500,000–1.2 million Serbs killed by Croat Nazis
200,000–800,000 Roma & Sinti
200,000–300,000 people with disabilities
80,000–200,000 Freemasons [23]
100,000 communists
10,000–25,000 homosexual men
2,000 Jehovah’s Witnesses

Barton, to her “credit,” decided to stick to her guns (this, after all, is Arizona), reportedly telling the Arizona Capital Times, which is behind a paywall:

“He’s dictating beyond his authority . . . . “It’s not just the death camps. [Hitler] started in the communities, with national health care and gun control. You better read your history. Germany started with national health care and gun control before any of that other stuff happened. And Hitler was elected by a majority of people.”

Well, I guess that makes it official. Obama = Hitler.

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Here’s someone else who was compared to Hitler . . .

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And here’s another . . .

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And another . . .

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I could go on. But you know what? It ain’t funny. Not even close.

Frank Bruni addressed this in The New York Times the other day, and he was dead right.

The only person who should be reasonably compared to the worst genocidal maniac in the history of our planet should be an equally genocidal maniac. And we haven’t seen him in the last 70 years, and I hope we never do. Largely because of him, over 60 million people were killed, including nearly half a million American servicemen.

So I’m sick and tired of hearing about how this is like the Nazis and how this guy is like this guy . . .

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. . . because it debases each and every one of us when we say that. Nobody is like this guy. Nobody.

Not a day has gone by in my life when I haven’t heard the word “Nazi” or “Hitler” or “Third Reich,” which just goes to show what an influence this evil wretch had on history. Time Magazine named Albert Einstein the Person of the Century back in 2000, but they were wrong. It was Hitler. It’s 2013 now, and I can go days, even weeks, without reading or hearing Einstein’s name. I can’t say the same for Hitler. Somehow, I seem to hear or read a reference to him every damn day.

See for yourself. See if a day goes by when you don’t see a reference to Nazis/Hitler/Third Reich. (I’ve just covered today.) They’re always there. And there’s a reason for that . . . Because an unimaginable global horror took place just 70 years ago, and we can’t help but gape in awe at the evil.

There’s a reason we say “Never Forget.” And that’s because we never should. But it’s also why we need to stop comparing people we don’t happen to like to the person we hate more than anyone else. It’s unseemly. It’s beneath us. Let’s stop.

— 30 —

Bronx cheer, 09/20/13

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Stupid just can’t seem to stop. The idjits just keep on coming out of the woodwork. Here’s a week’s worth of dumb and dumber.

Let’s start with this guy:

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John (Hey, I Thought It Was Funny) Whitbeck

Johnnie Boy is the Republican Party chairman in Virginia’s 10th Congressional District, and he knows a good Jewish joke when he hears one. See, there’s this “leader of the Jewish faith” who meets the new pope and hands him a piece of paper, and the pope decides he needs to know what it is, and he finds out it’s the bill for the Last Supper hahahahahaha.

So now everyone in the Virginia GOP, especially gubernatorial candidate Ken Cuccinelli, whom Whitbeck was introducing to the crowd when he told the joke, is distancing himself from this clown, for obvious reasons.

According to the Washington Free Beacon, Cuccinelli said:

“I wasn’t there, but I heard about it that night. And obviously I think it was inappropriate and certainly unfortunate – something if I had heard it at the time, I would have spoken to right there. It’s certainly not an appropriate thing to carry into public discussion we’re having.”

But I think Whitbeck is getting a bad rap. He’s being called an anti-Semite for telling an anti-Semitic joke, and I’m not sure that’s fair. I have no idea whether he actually hates Jews. Sure, the joke portrays an ugly, hateful stereotype, but I don’t think Whitbeck even realized that. I don’t think he’s bright enough to realize that.

Consider his explanation why the joke WASN’T anti-Semitic. again from the Free Beacon:

“At yesterday’s rally, I told a joke. I did not tell an anti-Semitic joke. I told a joke I heard from a priest at a church service.” 

Oh. I guess that made it OK.

Let’s end this segment with a word from my friend, Elliot, who seems to know the only joke of this sort that is acceptable:

A rabbi, an Indian and a midget walk into a bar…the bartender says, “Hey, what is this, a joke?”

__________

And then there’s this guy . . .

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Lora (Family Guy) Reinbold

Our gal Lora is a state rep in Alaska who hasn’t heard of the Alaska Supreme Court, which ruled in 2005 that gay couples are entitled to the same state benefits as straight couples, despite the state’s prohibition of same-sex marriage

Nonetheless, Lora thinks the world will go to hell in a handbasket if employees in gay relationships are allowed to do family things like taking leave to care for an ailing partner. Such an arrangement would give “special privileges to individuals who have in fact made a Life-Style Choice,” Lora wrote, adding that calling gay couples “family” is “not in keeping with my interpretation of statue or the legislative intent.”

I’m happy to report that the dinosaur lost this fight.

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And then there are the guys who did this . . .

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That, kids, is the decapitated head of a statue of Jesus, one of eight statue heads that were decapitated by one or more cretins at St. Mary’s Church in Malaga, N.J., early Thursday morning.

Here’s another look:

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Nuf said.

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And then there’s these guys . . .

The Randolph County, N.C., Board of Education

When it comes to education, you can’t beat these guys. They know all about what’s best for the kids in their county. That’s why they took this book . . .

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. . . off their summer reading list and banned it from the school libraries.

According to The Courier-Tribune in Asheville, N.C.:

By a 5-2 margin, the Randolph County Board of Education voted Monday night, at its regular meeting held at Eastern Randolph High School, to remove all copies of the book from school libraries.

The action stems from a Randleman High School parent’s complaint about the book. Committees at both the school and district levels recommended it not be removed.

Voting in favor of the ban were Board Chair Tommy McDonald and members Tracy Boyles, Gary Cook, Matthew Lambeth and Gary Mason. Voting against the action were Board Vice Chair Emily Coltrane and member Todd Cutler who both first introduced a motion to keep the book in the schools. This first motion was defeated by a 2-5 vote.

The book, originally published in 1952, addresses many of the social and intellectual issues facing African-Americans in the first half of the 20th century….

McDonald asked if everyone had read the book, stating, “It was a hard read.”

Mason said, “I didn’t find any literary value.” He also objected to the language in the book. “I’m for not allowing it to be available.”

This is where we note, per Wikipedia:

Invisible Man won the U.S. National Book Award for Fiction in 1953.[1] In 1998, the Modern Library ranked Invisible Man nineteenth on its list of the 100 best English-language novels of the 20th century. Time magazine included the novel in its TIME 100 Best English-language Novels from 1923 to 2005.[2]

Thank god those kids in Randolph County won’t have to read this trash.

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And finally, there’s this guy . . .

House Immigration Reform CaucusGeorgia Rep. Phil (Let Them Eat Nothing) Gingrey

Gingrey, who introduced the fine-sounding “No Special Treatment for Congress Act,” said during a hearing this week:

[Capitol Hill] aides “may be 33 years old now and not making a lot of money. But in a few years they can just go to K Street and make $500,000 a year. Meanwhile I’m stuck here making $172,000 a year.”

Yeah, the poor guy, whose net worth is reported to be $3 million, is STUCK in Congress making $172,000 a year.

Which probably explains why he voted on Thursday to cut about $39 billion in funding for food stamps over the next decade. Because, you know . . . He’s working real hard for his $172,000 a year, unlike those freeloaders who need food stamps.

This time next week, we’ll be on the brink of a government shutdown. Should be lots of stupid between now and then.

— 30 —

Bronx cheer, 08/20/13

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This week is off to a helluva start.

Let’s talk about this guy . . .

Somebody, somewhere has to come to this guy’s defense. It might as well be me.

Maine Gov. Paul LePage

According to a story in the Portland Press Herald, this guy remarked at a Maine Republican Party fundraiser on Aug. 12 that Barack Obama could have been the best president ever if he’d only highlighted his biracial heritage, but that Obama couldn’t do that because he “hates white people.”

OK, that’s kind of disgusting. Let’s read on:

The governor made the comment during a Maine Republican Party fundraiser on Aug. 12 at the home of John and Linda Fortier in Belgrade. According to the invitation, the fundraiser was a “meet and greet” for LePage and first lady Ann LePage, and an opportunity to meet Rick Bennett, the new party chairman.

OK . . . people with brains should be furious about this, if LePage said it.

But note that I said “if.” That’s because . . .

NOBODY WILL GO ON THE RECORD SAYING HE DID.

That’s what’s really disgusting here. LePage’s accusers, according to the Press Herald, are “two state lawmakers who say they heard the remark directly,” but who don’t have the cojones to reveal their names.

The lawmakers, both Republicans, confirmed the comment when asked by a Portland Press Herald reporter but asked that their names be withheld for fear of political retribution. 

So what we have here is a guy who is essentially being called a racist by two snakes who swear he said it but who don’t have the nerve to tell us who they are.

And it leads to stuff like this:

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SHOCKING REMARKS EXPOSED!!!

And this:

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And this:

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And nowhere is there an accuser willing to go on the record.

Where I come from, we call this character assassination. If you’re going to call someone a racist, then have the decency to come out from behind the curtain and let me see who you are.

So the Bronx cheer here goes to those two unidentified Maine Republican legislators who “confirmed” this story, and to the Press Herald, and to Think Progress, and to Mediate, and to MSNBC, and to anyone else who ran with it without getting someone – anyone – to go on the record.

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And then there’s this guy . . .

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Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, eh?

Our guy Teddy has decided to renounce his Canadian citizenship, because why exactly? Are you somehow embarrassed that you were born there? Do you really feel that you are somehow less American if you have dual citizenship? Do you think that anyone – anyone – will seriously question your loyalty to Texas or your loyalty to the United States just because of this? . . .

Or are you renouncing your citizenship because you’re deathly afraid of what this clown might say? . . .

Teddy, renouncing your dual citizenship is silly. You’re an American. You don’t have to  do stupid stuff to prove it.

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And this guy . . .

Valarie (Geez, I Never Thought of That) Hodges

We’ve saved the best for last.

Our gal Val is a representative in the Louisiana legislature, and she was very supportive of a law backed by Gov. Bobby Jindal that, according to livingstonparishnews.com, “proposed, among other things, a voucher program allowing state educational funds to be used to send students to schools run by religious groups.”

But Val has changed her mind, because it has come to her attention that there is more than one religion in the world.

[S]he had no idea that Gov. Bobby Jindal’s overhaul of the state’s educational system might mean taxpayer support of Muslim schools. 

“I actually support funding for teaching the fundamentals of America’s Founding Fathers’ religion, which is Christianity, in public schools or private schools,” the District 64 Representative said Monday.

“I liked the idea of giving parents the option of sending their children to a public school or a Christian school,” Hodges said.

Hodges mistakenly assumed that “religious” meant “Christian.” 

Really, you can’t make this stuff up.

— 30 —

Bronx cheer, 08/16/13

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Gail Collins, America’s No. 1 columnist (no dearth of opinions here, folks), pointed out this week that there’s something about August.

She’ll get no argument here. How else can you explain all the Bronx cheer this week?

Let’s start with these guys:

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The Crack Cartographers at MSNBC

And I’ll have whatever crack they’re smoking, because I’ve always wanted to drive from Syracuse to Buffalo in 20 minutes, and it’s really, really hard to come up with a map like the one above when you have five letters in your name and two of them – MS – stand for Microsoft.

Memo to MSNBC’s mapmakers: Next time, Bing it.

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And then there’s this guy:

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The Crack Graphicsmaker at NBC-NY

OK, I’ve gotten used to Temperature Humidity Index, Feels Like, Heat Factor, Wind Chill …

But Sweat Factor?!?! Who’s the brainiac who came up with this one?

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And then there’s the guy who came up with this:

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Memo to H&M:

New York is a city that never sleeps. It’s a concrete jungle where dreams are made. But one thing it isn’t is a cheap billboard location.

The picture above is an artist’s rendition of what will be a blight on my city’s skyline. As my mom would say:

Feh!

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And then there’s this guy:

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Jack (Scruples Be Damned) Clark

Jack was a terrific ballplayer once, but now he’s just a bitter old man who comes up way short on the human decency scale. Jack, who does a radio show in St. Louis, decided to announce to the world that he knows “for a fact” that Albert Pujols used to do steroids, and that Justin Verlander probably did, too.

And Jack has irrefutable proof: Somebody told him.

It’s sad but true that athletes are guilty until proven innocent these days when it comes to PEDs, and that there’s really no way to prove innocence. Jack knows this, and he should know better than to throw about accusations based on hearsay.

Pujols, a future Hall of Famer, is suing Jack. I hope he’s clean, and I hope he takes The Ripper to the cleaners.

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And then there’s this guy . . .

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The Clown at the Missouri State Fair Rodeo

There are folks out there who think this is cute. Folks who think it’s funny. Folks who don’t understand that this caricature is racist . . . and that if this is how you perceive your president, then you’re a bigot, plain and simple. How can there still be a place for this sort of thing in what Dick Young used to call “My America”?

Watch, and try not to throw up:

What’s more . . . According to the video embedded in this writeup by NPR, the radio announcer is a superintendent of schools.

Weep for the children.

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And then there’s this guy:

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Child Support Magistrate LuAnn (I’ll Show You Your First Amendment) Ballew

Our gal LuAnn, who serves the 4th Judicial District in Tennessee, presided over a court hearing regarding the last name of a 7-month-old boy. Seems the kid’s mom and dad couldn’t agree on a name for this kid . . .

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. . . and the case, not the baby, wound up in LuAnn’s lap.

So LuAnn did what any right-thinking judge would do. She considered all the facts, weighed both sides and decided what the baby’s last name should be.

And then she went off the rails. She also changed the baby’s first name, which neither mommy nor daddy had a problem with.

The parents had named their baby “Messiah,” and LuAnn would have none of that. “Messiah,” she ruled, “is a title and it’s a title that has only been earned by one person and that one person is Jesus Christ.”

She ordered that the baby’s name be changed to Martin DeShawn McCullough.

According to WBIR:

[The boy’s mother] responded saying, “I was shocked. I never intended on naming my son Messiah because it means God and I didn’t think a judge could make me change my baby’s name because of her religious beliefs.”

According to Judge Ballew, it is the first time she has ordered a first name change. She said the decision is best for the child, especially while growing up in a county with a large Christian population.

“It could put him at odds with a lot of people and at this point he has had no choice in what his name is,” Judge Ballew said.

Now THAT, folks, is an activist judge.

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And then there’s this guy . . .

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Bryan (Making Crap Up for God) Fischer

Bad News Bryan is “director of issues analysis” for the hate group also known as the American Family Association, and one of the issues this clown analyzed this week is this well-known photo:

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Bryan has analyzed this picture every which way, and he announced on his radio show this week that he has come to the irrefutable conclusion that . . .

“If you go look at that picture, I believe the odds are good that [Barack Obama] was Photoshopped.

“Look at the size of his head compared to the size of the head of everyone else standing in the room. Even people standing in the back of the room; their heads are bigger than his head.”

Watch for yourself . . . Start paying attention at the 3-minute mark:

Fischer observes that Obama’s head is “teeny-tiny” in the picture, something a pinhead could easily conclude.

So here’s a big Bronx cheer for you, Bryan, for your latest contribution to the American conversation. Because what this country really needs most right now is another ridiculous conspiracy theory.

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And while we’re on the subject of way-beyond-ultra-right-wing wackos, let’s give it up for this guy, the biggest Bronx cheer of the week . . .

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Peter (There’s a Gay Hiding Under Every Rock) LaBarbera

Our Boy Petey, according to his bio, “is president of Americans For Truth About Homosexuality (AFTAH; www.aftah.org), a Chicago-based organization dedicated to exposing and opposing the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) activist movement,” and it’s pretty funny that the screengrab above shows him on Fox News, because it’s highly unlikely he’ll be making any return appearances soon.

Petey, you see, has decided that Fox News has become far too left-wing for his taste. In fact, according to Petey, Fox News is taking the lead in promoting the dastardly homosexual agenda, and he’s written a 92-page (!!!!) hate screed that bears the title:

Unfair, Unbalanced and Afraid:
Fox News’ Growing Pro-Homosexual Bias
and the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association

That’s right, folks . . . Petey says Fox News is leading the media pack that is guiding America down the path to rampant homosexuality, and he picks apart every Fox News personality, exposing each and every one to be a lily-livered, rainbow-covered, Prius-driving gay sympathizer. Take that, O’Reilly!

And the worst of the bunch? None other than the devil herself . . .

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Megyn Kelly, who LaBarbera says “has emerged as a committed pro-‘gay’ advocate. She is a valuable media ally for homosexual and transgender activists, who routinely tout her on-air pro-LGBT advocacy.”

Yeah. Megyn Kelly.

That’s all for today, folks. My head is exploding.

— 30 —

It’s 2013, time to bury ‘Redskins’

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Two pantheons of sports journalism, Slate and Mother Jones, took the bold move this week of announcing that they would no longer refer to the National Football League team that plays in Washington, D.C., as the “Redskins.”

The move was both silly and self-serving, because . . . well . . .

Slate? Mother Jones?

Yeah, they’re the first places I go when I want to bone up on my football.

But there’s one other thing worth mentioning here . . .

They were right.

So it’s time to press for a few other outlets – more important outlets – to take the same bold step. Are you listening, ESPN? Can you hear me, Sports Illustrated? Do I have your attention yet, NBC and Fox and CBS and ABC? How about it, Washington Post?

Listen up, guys . . . History be damned, it’s time to abandon what is, in fact, a horribly racist name.

On March 13, 1994, The New York Times published an op-ed piece by Tim Giago, the founder of the Lakota Times, the first independently owned Native American newspaper in the U.S.

It was a wonderful, eye-opening op-ed . . . so much so that I stashed a photocopy in my briefcase. Nineteen years later, it’s still there.

Sadly, I can’t find it on the Times website, which is a shame because the link really should go to the original.

But Illinois Sen. Paul Simon found it as moving as I did, and he entered it into the Congressional Record, which appears to be pretty much the only place you can read it now. So read it:

Drop the Chop! Indian Nicknames Just Aren’t Right

“Redskins” is a word that should remind every American there was a time in our history when America paid bounties for human beings. There was a going rate for the scalps or hides of Indian men, women and children. These “redskins” trophies could be sold to most frontier trading posts. Along with coon skins, beaver skins and bear skins, the selling of “redskins” was also profitable.

On a recent radio talk show, I spoke with a young lady who had been a cheerleader for a team called the “Indians.” She said, “When I put on my feathers and war paint, donned my buckskins and beads, I felt I was honoring Indians.” I asked her, “If your team was called the African-Americans and you painted your face black, put on an Afro wig and donned a dashiki and then danced around singing songs and making noises you thought to be African, would you be honoring blacks?” Her answer was “No! Of course not! That would be insulting to them.” End of discussion.

That’s just a snippet. Read the whole piece. It speaks volumes, and it’s why I’ve been carrying that faded photocopy around for 19 years.

The key question Giago raised, which was brought up again this week, is:

If you were naming a team today, would you name it the Redskins?

If your answer is no, how can you tolerate keeping the name?

If your answer is yes, how would you feel about the Berlin Maccabees? The Birmingham Negroes?

This isn’t political correctness. It’s just correctness. It shouldn’t be so hard to do the right thing.

Change the damn name. Just do it. It’ll be OK.

Bronx cheer, 08/09/13

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What exactly was it – August heat? Heavy rain? – that pulled so many bottom-feeders up to the surface this week?

And how do we get them to crawl back into the hole they came out of?

Herewith, a big Bronx cheer to the many bigots who made the world a much less pleasant place this week. (You know this is serious, because I used the word “herewith.”)

It hasn’t been a beautiful day in my neighborhood, so let’s start with these guys:

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Say hello to Shashi Ramsaroop, 23; Lindsey Peaks, 20; and Demetrius Latrell Toraine, 19, who have been charged in a paintball attack on a Hasidic Jew in Kaser, N.Y.

According to the Journal News,

A paintball attack against a Hasidic resident by a man who said he was going to “Monsey to shoot Jews,” police said, took place in a town already rife with tension between religious and secular communities.

No, I didn’t write that lede. But let’s move on…

The victim, Josef Margaretten, 35, suffered minor injuries and three suspects were taken into custody and charged with a hate crime almost immediately after the attack….

Margaretten and another man were leaning against a car … Wednesday when a vehicle drove up and a man pointed what looked like a black rifle at them from the passenger window, Ramapo Sgt. Sal Matos said.

Five or six shots were fired from the car, with Margaretten hit twice and the car struck three or four times, Matos said….

Matos said Margaretten and [another] man said they heard someone yell a racial slur as the car drove past.

There’s some bad stuff going down in the town of Ramapo, which is in the county of Rockland, N.Y., which is where I live. Most notably, the East Ramapo Central School District has been severely cutting programs for the overwhelmingly black and Latino public school population. And seven of nine school board members are Orthodox Jews who send their kids to yeshivas.

It’s an ugly situation. But it won’t be solved if people decide to assault others on the basis of their race or religion.

Ramsaroop, Peaks and Toraine are awaiting trial, so we won’t presume guilt. But if it turns out that they are, in fact, the ones who did this, then let’s hope the state throws the book at them.

And yes . . . If three Hasidic Jews in their 20s shot paintballs at a man of color and shouted racial epithets at him, the opinion here would be the same: Throw the bigots in a hole. That’s where they belong.

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And then there are the guys who did this . . .

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and this . . .

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to this . . .

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What kind of cretin scrawls “nigger,” “Hitler” and a swastika on a statue that depicts Pee Wee Reese putting his arm around Jackie Robinson? In Brooklyn, no less.

Ira Berkow wrote a wonderful piece about this statue in the New York Times eight years ago, and it’s well worth reading.

We’ve learned a lot about Jackie Robinson this year, thanks to an inspiring but otherwise bland movie called “42,” the message of which is much better than the film itself. And it speaks to why this sort of thing is as hideous as hideous gets.

Kudos to the New York Daily News for this wood:

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That pretty much sums it up. Ten thousand bucks to turn the racist scum in. Worth every penny.

__________

And then there are these guys:

Hundreds protest Obama outside Phoenix high school

Hundreds of protesters wielded signs, chanted slogans and argued with each other Tuesday outside Desert Vista High School in Phoenix, while President Barack Obama spoke about housing and the economy inside.

Students, activists, curiosity-seekers and motorcade-junkies, some from as far away as California and Black Canyon City, thronged the sidewalks as rain drizzled from gray skies.

We’re OK so far, guys. You don’t like Obama. I get that. You want to protest. I get that, too. This is America; you’re entitled.

But here’s what I don’t get . . .

Obama foes at one point sang, “Bye Bye Black Sheep,” a derogatory reference to the president’s skin color, while protesters like Deanne Bartram raised a sign saying, “Impeach the Half-White Muslim!”

And then there’s 77-year-old Chandler, Ariz., resident Ron Enderle, who explained his opposition to the president with this clever remark:

He’s 47 percent Negro.

Hmmmm. So now we know what at least some of you guys really are. You’re not protesters. You’re bigots.

__________

And then there’s this guy:

Trudie (I’m Not Saying They All Look Alike, but …) Goetz

Our gal Trudie is the owner of a “high-end” (that’s putting it mildly) boutique called Trois Pomme in Zurich, Switzerland, and her shop is getting some attention right now because one of her shopkeepers, who fortunately has gone unnamed, decided not to “hurt the feelings” of a woman in her store.

According to CBS News, a black woman asked Trudie’s employee if she could look at a handbag worth a cool $40,000, and the shopkeeper told her, “No. It’s too expensive.”

The black woman “asked to see the bag at least two more times, but the shopkeeper refused to take it off the shelf and suggested other, cheaper bags instead.”

The black woman persisted:

“One more time, I tried. I said, ‘But I really do just want to see that one,’ and the shopkeeper said, ‘Oh, I don’t want to hurt your feelings,’ and I said, ‘Okay, thank you so much. You’re probably right, I can’t afford it.’ 

Meet the black woman:

alg-oprah-winfrey-jpg

Ummm . . . Oops. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and bet the house that this woman not only can afford the $40,000 handbag, but that she can also buy the entire boutique. With cash.

But hey, mistakes happen. What compounds the matter is that Goetz blamed it on “the assistant’s failure to recognize Winfrey.”

“We don’t have any facial recognition here,” Goetz was quoted as saying.

So, in other words . . .

We’d certainly let Oprah Winfrey look at the bag, if only we had face recognition and knew who that black woman was. But the average black woman? Well . . . We don’t want to hurt your feelings.

__________

And then there’s this guy:

banister

Stephanie (I’m Forrest Gump, Without the Wisdom) Banister

Our gal Stephanie, the 27-year-old One Nation party candidate for parliament in Australia,  thinks Islam is a country and Jews are secret Christians.

At least, that’s what she said in a recent interview:

I don’t oppose Islam as a country, but I do feel that their laws should not be welcome here in Australia.

She also said:

”Jews aren’t under haram, they have their own religion which follows Jesus Christ.” 

OK . . . Maybe I’m going too far here. I really need to consider the possibility that Banister isn’t a bigot. But I’m left with only one other explanation:

She’s a moron.

I predict a bright political future.

__________

And the winner is . . . The biggest Bronx cheer of all goes to . . .

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Mike (I Play Bass Guitar, So I Must Be a Good Guy) Huckabee

Musician, preacher, governor, presidential wannabe.

And bigot.

Listen to what affable old Huck said on his radio show on Monday:

I know we’re not supposed to say anything unkind about Islam. I mean, it’s politically incorrect. I get that. But can someone explain to me why it is that we tiptoe around a religion that promotes the most murderous mayhem on the planet in their so-called ‘holiest days?

You know, if you’ve kept up with the Middle East, you know that the most likely time to have an uprising of rock throwing and rioting comes on the day of prayer on Friday. So the Muslims will go to the mosque, and they will have their day of prayer, and they come out of there like uncorked animals – throwing rocks and burning cars.”

That’s right. Uncorked animals.

That’s what the preacher man said.

And the reason this guy is the worst of the bunch is that he wants to be president of the United States, and there are millions of Americans who would vote for him.

Bronx cheer, indeed.

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Bronx cheer, 08/02/13

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Got a whole new bunch of folks who won’t be getting invitations to my holiday party this year (including anyone who insists that it shouldn’t be called a “holiday party”). Without further delay, let’s all give a big Bronx cheer to . . .

This guy . . .

Clarence (God Wants My Kids to Be Ignoramuses) Powell

Clarence and his wife Andrea have a dozen kids. And by all accounts, they seem to be very, very bright kids.

So how come one of his kids, who is old enough to be in middle school, can’t read?

Simple. It’s because Clarence doesn’t send his kids to school. He told the Washington Post:

[i]t’s important that parents have a role in instilling in their children a world view that does not exclude God. 

It’s a sacred honor to be able to home-educate your children and instill in them values in a way that’s consistent with your faith.

OK, Clarence, fine. Home-school your kids. Feel free to brainwash them with your religion. That’s a parent’s right.

But if home-schooling your kids means they won’t learn how to read or write, how to multiply and divide . . . . If home-schooling your kids means they won’t learn about protons and electrons and neutrons and planets and dinosaurs and Beethoven and B.B. King and Shakespeare and Mark Twain and Wilma Rudolph and Willie Mays . . . .

Then you’re denying your kids their right to an education.

That’s just a fact, folks.

And what’s worse . . . The state of Virginia is enabling this guy.

[Powell uses] a religious exemption that allows families to entirely opt out of public education, a Virginia law that is unlike any other in the country. That means that not only are their children excused from attending school — as those educated under the state’s home-school statute are — but they also are exempt from all government oversight.

School officials don’t ever ask them for transcripts, test scores or proof of education of any kind: Parents have total control.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that Jesus didn’t have this in mind.

Clarence Powell may be a devout religious nut, but he’s one lousy dad.

Oh . . . I almost forgot to mention . . . Clarence’s son, Josh, is the focus of The Post’s story. And he’s a real hero. Talk about overcoming the odds.

__________

And speaking of overcoming the odds and lousy parenting, there’s this guy . . .

Edwin and Tina Edwards

Edwin (Oh Baby!) Edwards

Our man Eddie is the former governor of Louisiana — four terms, if you’re counting — and a former inmate in the federal prison system, thanks to his involvement in a bribery and extortion scheme.

Eddie also became the father of a brand-new baby boy recently, which is why I feel comfortable calling him one very lousy dad.

Because being a dad means being there for your kids. Here are just some of the things that dads do . . .

They change their kids’ diapers. They stay up all night with them when they’re sick. They teach them how to ride a bicycle. They walk them to school. They help them with their homework. They teach them how to throw a ball, how to catch a ball, how to hit a ball. They hug them when they’re sad. They hug them when they’re happy. They teach them how to drive, and then they stay awake waiting for them to come home. They take them to college and drive away to a home that suddenly feels a lot emptier. And then, someday, maybe they get to walk them down the aisle.

Chances of Eddie doing any of these? Practically zero.

Eddie, you see, is 85 years old. And while some folks think it’s cute that an 85-year-old man is capable of becoming a new dad, I think it’s just selfish.

Two words for you, Eddie . . . Birth Control. You need it as much as any 15-year-old. Maybe even more, because being a dad is not a short-term proposition.

And let’s be clear . . . Eddie isn’t alone in this bad-parenting business. His wife, Trina Scott Edwards, is 34. Just what the hell is she thinking? Oh . . . I think I know. . . Reality Show!!! Yup, there’s one in the works. And a 34-year-old woman with an 85-year-old husband and a newborn baby boy will make for a great story line.

Bronx cheer to two very, very selfish people.

__________

And then there’s this guy . . .

Saul (Brother Can You Spare a Dime?) Zelaznog

You can call him Zelaznog. Or you can call him Gonzalez. You most certainly can call him Saul the Deadbeat.

Memo to Saul:

When you ring up a $100 tab at a brewpub, “I left my wallet at home” is not an appropriate response when you get the check.

Kudos to the owners of Brewer’s Cabinet, who posted Saul’s photo on Facebook.

__________

And then there’s this guy . . .

Brooke Goldstein

Brooke (I’ll Show You the Meaning of Bigot) Goldstein

Leave it to Our Miss Brooke, who purports to be a “human rights attorney,” to figure out what makes Anthony Weiner tick. According to Mediaite . . .

During Thursday morning’s edition of Red Eye, the attorney was asked whether too much attention has been paid to Weiner’s sexting, and not enough to his politics. In response, Goldstein had a suggestion for the “real” question, as she sees it: “Why is Anthony Weiner so un-attracted to Huma Abedin?”

She then answered her own question:

“Perhaps it’s because she is connected with Islamists who want to kill us. Perhaps it’s because her family members are part and parcel of the Muslim Brotherhood. I completely agree with Andy McCarthy that she poses one of the greatest national security threats in this administration. She has access to the most classified information, because of her position with Clinton, about the Muslim Brotherhood, which creed is to destroy America.”

See for yourself:

Way to bring some class to “Red Eye,” Brooke. Now please disappear, because you are about as low as lowlife gets.

__________

And then there’s this guy . . .

alex-rodriguez

Alex (I Just Want to Play Baseball) Rodriguez

I don’t care if it’s suspension for a year or two years or life. A-Roid, one of the greatest players ever, was supposed to be the cure for Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa and Roger Clemens and all those others whose achievements were tainted by performance-enhancing drugs.

So much for the cure. What a bum.

__________

And then there’s this guy . . .

Keith Ablow

Keith (Please Call Me Doctor) Ablow

Only Keith Ablow — oh, excuse me . . . DOCTOR Keith Ablow — could find a way to turn the Anthony Weiner scandal into a condemnation of the Women’s Movement.

Yes, women who seek gender equality, this is all your fault.

Read it and weep. He really does make this about women. They are sluts. It’s their fault. Obviously. Shame on you, all you women.

__________

And then there’s this guy . . .

Barbara Morgan

Barbara (Just Telling It Like It Is) Morgan

Here are some words spokeswomen shouldn’t use when talking to the press about their former interns:

Bitch. Slutbag. Twat. Cunt.

But our gal Barbara, spokeswoman for Anthony Weiner (who seems to be all over this post, doesn’t he?), used all of them in describing a young woman named Olivia Nuzzi, who had the gall to write in the New York Daily News about her experiences working as an intern for the mayoral candidate.

Remarkably, Barbara, the spokeswoman, is still working for Weiner. Probably because there’s no such thing as going too far where Weiner’s concerned.

__________

And the winner of the biggest Bronx cheer of all is . . . this guy . . .

Ariel Castro

Ariel (I’m Just Misunderstood) Castro

At his sentencing for 937 counts, including murder and kidnapping, this guy said . . .

“These people are trying to paint me as a monster. I’m not a monster. I’m sick.”

Well . . . this isn’t an either-or.

It’s both. Yes, Ariel, you’re sick. AND you’re a monster.

This guy was sentenced to life in prison, plus 1,000 years. Not nearly enough. They can’t dig a hole deep enough to bury this guy in.

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